An [Anti]Ode to Ground Turkey

I’ll just come right out and say it: I hate ground turkey.

Every bodybuilding Web site and magazine sings its praises and provides you with hundreds of so-called “delicious” recipes. I’m a good cook and there is nothing I can do with ground turkey that doesn’t make me want to go all Linda Blair a la The Exorcist.

Me, trying to eat ground turkey.

Me, trying to eat ground turkey.

Today’s attempt was ground turkey burritos. I seasoned the meat with sauteed onions, garlic, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne pepper, chili powder, black pepper, and cumin; then I added a few dashes of Worcestershire sauce and Frank’s. Once the turkey was cooked, I added some sliced red bell peppers and a can of black beans to the mix. I wrapped up the turkey mixture with a tablespoon of light cream cheese, some grated cheddar, a dollop of 1% sour cream, a spoonful of medium, chunky salsa, and a dash of Frank’s, all in a whole wheat and flax tortilla.

Sounds good, doesn’t it? Well, it wasn’t. The turkey-taste was insidious, there was no denying that I had used turkey meat as the staple ingredient.

The last time I made an attempt at ground turkey, I made a turkey meatloaf with a homemade ketchup on top. It was intolerable and I ended up heaving over a garbage bag after a few bites. 

You should know that I’m not picky–I eat a wide variety of meats, fruits, and veggies; I am excited to try new recipes and there are very few foods I won’t eat. However, it seems that ground turkey is my limit. I will eat foie gras or pate or marrow; I will enjoy all manner of vegetable, even the ones that are terribly green and leafy or the ones that are grown in the feces of barn animals; if it has an exoskeleton, I will eat it with gusto; if it is cooked inside of its home, I will happily eat the whole organism and then discard of its habitat, while holding out my bowl for seconds;  I will eat hot dogs and hamburgers, containing mystery organs and any number of poop particles, but I will not eat ground poultry. 


4 thoughts on “An [Anti]Ode to Ground Turkey

  1. Yeah it’s tough. Regular ground turkey is crap anyways, people think its healthier but its all the ground up odds and ends of the turkey…..yuck. A store I shop in has ground turkey breast. It’s very light in color. I buy this and make it in a red sauce then pour it on spaghetti squash. Lots of garlic and onions though. It’s ok. Nothing great.

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